u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Randomize
