i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
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