she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
