There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
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