remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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