are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Just invented taco cereal.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
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