I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
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