If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
