Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize