So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
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