We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Randomize
