Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Randomize
