my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
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