I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
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