im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
