don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Randomize
