Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
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He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
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In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Randomize