i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
my sisters under your porch take her home
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
