Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
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We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
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Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
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