I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize
