Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
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