just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
