He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
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sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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