well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
