Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
