Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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