oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
