then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Randomize