Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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