This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
