i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Randomize
