Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Randomize
