I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Randomize
