who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Randomize
