I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
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