if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
