8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
