If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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