what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
