I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Drake has all the answers
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize
