Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Success! We fucked roommates!
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
