Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
