is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
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