my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
