Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
