i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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