Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Randomize
