I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
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