Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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