Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
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