living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
