He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
