Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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