I want to make a zoo with you.
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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