Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
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