did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
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