You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
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