i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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