i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
