I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
