My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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