He asked to "fluff my boner.."
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
The Olympian is in my bed
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Randomize
