I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
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