this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
