I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
