quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Randomize
