sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
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