She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
