It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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